If I could deep- fry my feelings
And then eat them
Would I be eating myself?
Or is that just essentially what falafel is?
You, the golden snack/I, the anxious fatty
Please don't give me a stomach ache again
because my cousin is coming
tomorrow and I think he's kind of cute. I know it's weird but he's been in the army for the past four years and I haven't really seen him....so. I mean, that's normal, right?
I want you to be a part of my first heart attack
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I have to try and stop writing about Jews
If Hitler were alive today, I think he'd be really upset. Aside from the obvious reasons (mustaches are out, gays are running free) lets look at some more under-the-radar reasons. Jew reasons.
1. Jews. They exist. Bam.
2. Upgraded ghettos.
That's right. We left Poland long ago. In fact, thank you Hitler for taking us out of there, because, you know what? We didn't want to be there anyway. We live in Brooklyn now.
3. MONEY.
We have more of it. More than before. In fact, we have so much of it that our children don't need to do anything. They can cry and masturbate for the rest of their lives if they want to. Someone will fund it.
3. How can you want us dead when we make you laugh?
You love movies right?
4. But what does this have to do with Tel Aviv?
Why are you asking so many questions, reader? Stop it. You are nosey and selfish. Just leave it alone. I don't know what it has to do with me living in Tel Aviv, or my blog post. Something about Jews, Jews and Israel. Oh, that reminds me, did you know that bagels are not that popular in israel? Now that's something to be upset about. The idea of the bagel (toasted and drowned in cream-cheese) hasn't transformed the Jew here the way it should have. It exists, but Israelis don't realize how much they need it, how much it depends on their lifestyle, their reputation. Can't you see? Jews here are only hurting themselves by not listening to their heart, their bagel heart.
Friends, war is not our greatest threat, nor is religion or dicatatorship or governement... It's the bagel inside of us. If we lose the bagel inside of us, we lose ourselves, we lose hope, we lose Israel.
1. Jews. They exist. Bam.
2. Upgraded ghettos.
That's right. We left Poland long ago. In fact, thank you Hitler for taking us out of there, because, you know what? We didn't want to be there anyway. We live in Brooklyn now.
3. MONEY.
We have more of it. More than before. In fact, we have so much of it that our children don't need to do anything. They can cry and masturbate for the rest of their lives if they want to. Someone will fund it.
3. How can you want us dead when we make you laugh?
You love movies right?
4. But what does this have to do with Tel Aviv?
Why are you asking so many questions, reader? Stop it. You are nosey and selfish. Just leave it alone. I don't know what it has to do with me living in Tel Aviv, or my blog post. Something about Jews, Jews and Israel. Oh, that reminds me, did you know that bagels are not that popular in israel? Now that's something to be upset about. The idea of the bagel (toasted and drowned in cream-cheese) hasn't transformed the Jew here the way it should have. It exists, but Israelis don't realize how much they need it, how much it depends on their lifestyle, their reputation. Can't you see? Jews here are only hurting themselves by not listening to their heart, their bagel heart.
Friends, war is not our greatest threat, nor is religion or dicatatorship or governement... It's the bagel inside of us. If we lose the bagel inside of us, we lose ourselves, we lose hope, we lose Israel.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
