Wandering Jew

I had the chance to explore my neighborhood in greater depth last night.... okay I got lost. Very lost. For the first time in all of my five months here, I didn't know where I was. Even the Israelis I was with hadn't the faintest idea where we were. Tel Aviv isn't a grid city, like New York. Two streets might be parallel, but you can't just slip from one to the other. You have to go around other streets, and through random alleyways, where you have to buy crack to pass through. That's just the way it is.
I would say the best thing about being lost, besides finding your way back, is standing wherever you are for a second and imagining you are somewhere else. My two Israeli friends imagined they were in Amsterdam(the only place they'd ever been.) I imagined I was in Brussels. I'd never been, but that was my chance to go (because why would I go otherwise).
Last night I noticed an unusual amount of cyclists around the city. In fact, there are so many bike riders in Tel Aviv these days, that suddenly you're in their way. This guy on a bike gave me the finger yesterday, yelling out "pedestrian!" as though I had done something wrong, as though I were a Nazi, or a botanist. Unnessecary, my friend. I much prefer walking, and I think I'm not alone. There are plenty of handicapped people out there that would agree with me.
Another thing I've noticed here, is that Israelis walk so close together, that you think they are friends when they aren't. You play out these detailed scenarios in your head about the group of people walking in front of you. Like, who is the "mean guy" of the group? or who is the closeted gay of the group(maybe the mean guy)? or which girl has a fear of baby strollers? etc.,etc. Until one of the guys in the group, just splits and starts walking in another direction.. and your like, "hey, where are you going? you just left your friends behind! And your friends aren't even reacting! What is this? Hey! Hey, come back!" but it's too late, the police have already handcuffed you. Time to go inside.


Keep reading,

Judith

Undercover Jew

Last night I went to see Inglorious Basterds disguised as a sympathetic Christian. I know... I know what you're thinking. 'Judith, seriously? You live in Jew city.'
Okay, okay but:

1. ...you can never be sure.
2. Jew city? Not entirely, there are..."others"

Honestly, I agree with you, friend. It's not particularly dangerous here for a Jew to go see a Jew-movie. And you know what... that's not really the reason I went undercover. It's just that... don't you think it's a bit "cliché" for a bunch of Jews to be running to see a holocaust movie? I bet even Hitler would think it were cliché. I just want to be different, you know? And I think it's easier for me, because I don't have a big nose, and I have some blonde streaks in my hair.... as long as I don't talk, no one would have any idea. And for the most part I think it worked. Although... I might have given it away when, in the middle of the movie I stood up and screamed "Oh my god I'm so proud to be Jewish."
But I had this great cross on. The one that all the Christians buy. That pretty, beaded one from the jewelry section at T.J. Maxx. Funny story, I actually had to have my non-Jewish friend buy it for me. When I went in there to admire the Christian jewelry and look cool, some woman ran across the room, grabbed all the cross necklaces and said that they'd been pre-purchased. I didn't think anything of it until I arrived to the dressing room, only to find her kneeling down in one of the stalls, crying, wearing all the necklaces and whispering hail mary to the ceiling. When our eyes met I screamed ( actually I think we both screamed) and I ran.


Keep reading,

Judith